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#1 08/29/14 01:08

From: Dota 2
Registered: 04/27/13

A Story-line.

This is a response to the post in facebook which asks "Should a sequel be picked up, if so, what do you think the story-line would be." I ended writing an entire story-line with a lot more detail than I had intentioned.


The story line should be focused around a new character, a more ordinary soldier. My hopes are high, so please.

We at first play as this soldier who uses his gun primarily along with really basic disarms such as the frontal and rear ones but later as we start digging up secrets, secrets we aren't meant to know, we get deeper into the past that was covered up by the WCG(?) and half-way through the game we meet a woman, she's knocks us out cold but we know that she's important and she's the one with the key to the past so we seek her out. But, you're just a pawn, you got eyes on you and you don't even know it. We lead them to her. We go through tedious and secretive sneaking but it doesn't matter, they're better. We lead them straight to her. You got shot and she, she's an experienced fighter and she'd already prepared for such a case when she decided to come out for you, she's able to fight them off but by the time she comes back, she see's you and the fatal condition you're in.

*I'm taking our character, a guy who's gotten out of these human symbiotic trails, the first, the prototypes that paved the way for the survival of the rest but we've regressed it all, the repetitious painful days of our past. You are not the first nor the last, there are anothers.*

You're bleeding, you're in a pool of your own blood. All yours. It's too late for a visit to the hospital, she knows it and you know it. Luckily, you're a host, you don't know it because you've forgotten it, like many of the others. Prototypes of the strain, the experimental chrysali, it's a small one and it's incapable of healing the small hole. She feels it and she knows, she feels, that maybe she could... She tries it. She imagines a river from her to you, a transfer of her power to you. She starts but she doesn't know how to stop it. It's a river, building a dam is the only way to stop it but that takes time and this is the first time she's done it. She's done it now... you're alive and she's lost it, her power. She feels weak but you're out cold and this isn't a safe place anymore...

You come to in a shack of some sort, you don't know where this is but you immediately scan your body as you feel no pain. You don't find a trace that you've been shot, you know it's not a dream because then you would be in your house, in your bed. No, it's not a dream. The door's opened and you jump out ready to put up your dukes but the tension drops when you see it's who you've come to meet at first. It's her, Mai... ---

You end up doing her work, she's too weak, her power, she tells you is with you and she asks you to take responsibility. The old saying, with great power comes great responsibility falls onto you. You accept, you see that she is indeed considerably weakened as she finds it difficult to operate. She starts sending you on these missions and you, in turn, start to see the darker side of WCG, the pieces of the past. It was always there, right under a thick blanket. You get glimpses and peeks at their messages and plans as you raid warehouse after base, leaving nothing but a mess of bodies...  ---

They have this master plan, ( I have nothing ._. ) you realize this but as you make your way back to Mai, you face this individual. A girl with emerald green hair, she's in a latex cover with a leather jacket. You're surprised, you can't bring yourself to fight a girl so small. You know you're power would break her like a twig, how could you doubt it, you used it for on so many other men on the way. But you're wrong. She's the one with such power and in the fight, she shows you just how wrong you are and now, you're on death's door but right as she plans to land a final strike, a bolt of mercurial lightning fangs at her chest, sending her flying. You hear a bike and when you let your head fall to the side, you can see it's Mai and you know that if you aren't strong enough, then there's no way she is. You stumble to your feet and she brings the bike to a drifting halt, stopping mere inches away from your legs. You're thankful she didn't break them, only for a second though, you can hear the girl behind coming back to life. She's stirring. You get on the bike favoring you're broken but healing ribs. You speed off, the girl swears but smiles. She knows she'll have another chance. This won't be the last time she sees you, she knows it and you know it.

You wake up in that shady shack in the outskirts of the town again, you see Mai beside you, she's smoking a cigar but this time no one says a word. You leave, you have questions but you know it's something connected to her past and you don't want to probe, you'll let her tell you when she decides you need to hear it. 

You receive a mission, she says its the last and you're off again. You don't understand... ---

It's soon, you know you're going to fight that girl again and you have no idea how you're going to beat her. It weigh heavily on your mind. Mai's here but she's washed up, she's given a lot and the rest to you. She talks, ---

It's a final battle, ---

Thank you for reading, I'm sure there's some mistakes somewhere here or there, pardon them. Would like to hear what you think of it, sincerely.

P.S. (Teehee)

You've won but its such a small victory, you look up to the sky and all you can wonder is how far away your true enemy is. The WCG, this girl Sarai, was only a small cog in the machine. She was so strong yet only a small cog. You feel insignificant, you're power, all that you've evolved only to barely win against a cog in the machine. A hand rests on your shoulder, it's hers. You look at her and she looks at you. You a man and she a girl. You gaze at her features, those emerald green eyes and her magical purple hair. You can't tear your eyes away, she leans in and you do the same. Your lips touch.


Guys I would seriously appreciate some feedback, I don't care how long I gotta wait but being ignored, is just... unbearable. I would even love your, "It's a piece of shit." review as well, cause then I could ask why you thought as such. Btw, anyone care to comment on if I've improved in writing/typing/story making? I"m sure there's perhaps at least a single *cough* man *cough* out there who would like to comment it. tongue

Last edited by tens (08/30/14 08:08)

What does it matter? Even if the odds are against me, I'll do it, it doesn't matter.


#2 07/04/16 14:07

From: Germany
Registered: 01/14/07

Re: A Story-line.

So I'm developing a tendance to necropost your threads? Lol just coincidence.

Feedback ... err ... here it comes:
Boy meets girl. Girls saves boy. Boy owes her one. Love? This comes a bit unexpected - or maybe not. This can develop during time but right now I don't see enough scenes supporting this.

Also, he is a soldier (hm, name?). But what party? WCG, neutral country, a merc?

"start to see the darker side of WCG" - Agreement between WCG and BGI to maintain status quo?

BGI master plan: fight Syndicate Daodans and hunt down rouge Konoko to prove they are the only company the WCG can rely on. After some smart PR maybe BGI could become WCG's official and sole supplier for military and police equipment, weapons and vehicles. After the concurrence was vanished, the monopole status allows them to dictate any price and generate huge profit for decades? After all, they are businessmen. Also their monopol would allow them to continue and protect their own Daodan program, further fortifying their position.


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